Epictetus, one of the Ancient Stoic Philosophers, tells us to “Make the best use of what is in your power and take the rest as it happens.” As a therapist who is neurodivergent, when it comes to deciding whether to fix it or live with it, I find comfort in the idea of being strong and flexible, which is especially important for people like me who think differently.

As we enter the year 2025, this message is more relevant than ever. We don’t have control over many things that happen. We have to realize that we can’t change the way others behave or change our traits. By understanding, having our traits isn’t a choice; it’s part of who we are. How we handle life is up to us.

Instead of trying to fit into the ‘normal’ mold, we could focus on areas where we can do well and make a difference. This lets us steer our lives in the direction we want. Epictetus’s wise words tell us to focus on what’s in our control, like our thoughts, feelings, actions, and attitudes. We become more adaptable and resilient by focusing our change effort on the parts we can control and accepting what we can’t change.

Accepting reality, not necessarily liking it, helps us see what we can and can’t change. Acknowledging our uncomfortable thoughts and feelings can reduce stress, as our interpretations of situations, not the situations themselves, often make us upset.

For someone like me who thinks differently, navigating a world not designed for our way of processing can be challenging. For example, social interactions and sensory inputs can be complex for neurodivergent individuals. Traditional ways of completing tasks in school or at work can be challenging for people with variable executive functioning traits.

In social situations, you can plan your day based on what you’re comfortable with rather than forcing yourself to act ‘normal.’ You can be part of smaller groups or interact with people who respect your uniqueness. When doing tasks, instead of following traditional methods, you can choose to create your own way. You can break tasks into smaller parts, take frequent breaks or use any other method that helps you focus and be productive. One can explore many strategies to change how they do things to be more effective and aligned with your needs.

Life is full of things you can’t control, like sudden changes or misunderstandings stemming from your neurodivergent traits. In these cases, “taking the rest as it happens,” or practicing acceptance, can help. Use strategies like being kind to yourself, staying mindful, deep breathing, and using kind words to deal with unexpected changes and frustrations. Misunderstandings can be framed as opportunities to set/reinforce boundaries, get clarity, or practice acceptance. These moments are part of being human and can be learning experiences.

kind words to deal with unexpected changes and frustrations. Misunderstandings can be framed as opportunities to set/reinforce boundaries, get clarity, or practice acceptance. These moments are part of being human and can be learning experiences.

Acceptance isn’t about giving up; it’s about understanding that some things, like the actions of others or our inherent traits, are often beyond our control and we can sometimes find new ways of doing things. This mindset reduces unnecessary stress and helps us focus on building a fulfilling life.

Epictetus’s wise words encourage us to adapt to the world as it happens. By focusing on what can be controlled—like personalized ways of interacting and getting tasks done—and accepting what we can’t control—like sudden changes or the actions of others—we can handle life with strength, flexibility, and authenticity. This way, we can be kind to ourselves and accept who we are, leading to a more fulfilling and empowering life.

Michael Holker

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